Aidan’ Addiction Day 1,
So with a few hours sleep in me (Reason-Netflix Glow and Netflix Gypsy) , I got up at 7:30AM Sunday for Admission at 9AM (first in!)
I prepped for “Rehab”, “Psych Ward”, call it what you will, just don’t call it anything derogatory.I knew where I was going. I tried 3 times before to come and failed
(I ran very fast out the door) I’m doing better this time. I have made it through the first day !!
WHAT HAPPENED YOU AIDAN
I won’t repeat my first blog entry
It’s called “Aidan’s Statement”
On my website, if you want.
You can read it if you like .
35MG at my worst, for a long time, the most respectable General Practitioner in my suburb had me on 20MG, but I take responsibility. I “doctor shopped”and I lied like a criminal. My family GP knew I had gone through stuff. Hence the 20MG. I I got it down to 13MG. Today-They immediately shaved 3MG off, so 10MG from July 3. To Taper off any Benzo with a short half life , they use the Valium.
To taper off Valium (long half life) we have nothing!!
I remember a number of years, sitting in the car and thinking of Pain Meds, Id heard the name. Tylex.(each tablet :30mg Codeine /500MG Paracetamol) I didn’t know what Codeine was or what was in it. I rang the GP secretary and asked could a message go in. The next day a script awaited me(without seeing the GP) 2tabs x 3 a day, 30 days, 180 tabs. I just looked at the pharmacy sticker and it said “Do not use for more than 3 days”!!!!!
I accept full responsibility though , as there was a period of 2X2 a day, before 2X4 a day. I sought pain relief. I became a drug addict
I hadn’t heard of Tramadol (despite being for better or worse, a Psychopharmacology nerd)
I know now again it’s handed out too easily. I started with 50MG TDS (three times daily) at immediate new GP level (off his own volition) and then progressing from 150MG to 200MG then to 250MG then to 300MG.
The only vague good news, I have been on this
a short time. The above two longer periods.
I have been brought down to 150MG. Sweat dripping off my forehead, deserve it, I am a drug addict. I don’t say this for you guys to say “You’re too hard on yourself” It’s my responsibility here..
I’m an Addict, personal responsibility.
I arrive this morning. Admissions . Signature on the Insurance forms, insurance pay like 650 Euro, 750 Dollars a night, nice spot. About 30K in total, if I make it, Jeepers!!)
I met the Addiction Therapist and there was a very comprehensive assessment. There was a little tension in the room at times between us. This person is entirely frank and robust and “on the good side of blunt” , a wee bit short. After the first few occasions, I came up with the line “Its important to emphasise this” I felt she was too quick at times, I wanted certain points to include appendix vital information.
its awkward for them when they have someone with a background, psych Masters student (I definitely felt), but a few jokes and the realisation of shared interests (NetFlix Gypsy) helped the situation.
Next was a young Psych re meds and she said “you know your meds” and I said “not enough to have avoided falling into a bad pain meds trap”
NO CAMERAS PLEASE!!!
Shortly after the above, I got down my hands and knees.
The request had been made in advance.. I was to have a Private room, I couldn’t and wouldn’t share. Specific reasons, genuine, not egotistical, it was pulled off!
There were just 3 embarrassing incidents –
I was accidentally walked in on the shower.
Pity, no shower in bathroom, walk a little bit to them. I forgot to Lock the door. Poor elderly lady.
I reported a loud fight outside my window…..,we went to see what was best to do, it was seagulls . #Awks
Finally I got told off wearing my socks around the hospital, you have to laugh!!
Netflix night, catch up on TWitter , watch some MMA
I see the main man. A Consultant Psychiatrist midday thirty, draw up the plan. I am very sure there’s substitutes for these awful awful drugs
42 days is mid August
Can I do it?
I’m in win it, I want off Opiates and Benzos. I know going to be hell, but day by day, hour by hour. I wish I had family of friends to visit, but I chose the isolated life and I like it, just here you wouldn’t mind a chat.People keep to themselves, bar smoking brigad. I don’t smoke!!
Thanks for reading. I’ll blog each evening. It’s nice to sit in the evening grass and write..
Come back tomorrow when I fight withdrawal and I talk about the reasons against and for their desire to sedate and talk about a family I love, but see me in a bad light, weak.
Thank you and much love.
Pls follow me on Twitter (endthestigma_ie) and Instagram (Endthestigmaofficial)
All other Apps – Digital Detox. Sorry!!